Where's Raman: Guess #7

My new theory:  he's scarpered off to London, to take part in the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.  Now there's a woman who knows who to treat her husband.  Not ashamed to be photographed with him, hyphenated her surname, and even includes him in her public life.  Not like some people.

MAGGIE GALLAGHER SRIVASTAV:  WHERE'S YOUR HUSBAND?

New Wave Raman

"This one's for you, Mrs. Srivastav..."

Where's Raman: Guess #6

I know Maggie wouldn't be caught dead doing this kind of thing, but maybe at least in spirit Raman was in Oslo, joining all the tens of thousands of Norwegians who had to do something to remind themselves that whatever it was that poisoned poor, mad Anders Breivik was evil nonsense.  They sang, in their rainy squares and parks, across the whole country, a song he hates, by Pete Seeger.  Unlike Raman, great Americans pop up in the damnedest places.

Really, I don't blame Raman for hiding.  Imagine being associated in the public mind with the same sort of spirit - of hatred, intolerance, and bigotry - that in its way is what led to someone thinking it was noble to kill dozens of teenagers in cold blood.  It's a question of degrees, but there's no question NOM and Mrs. Srivastav are on the wrong side.

MAGGIE GALLAGHER SRIVASTAV:  WHERE'S YOUR HUSBAND!

Raman Goes to the Adult Bookstore

"Maggie, of course, doesn't really approve of naughty literature, but when I saw this on the shelf over at Downtown Fantazy Books and Novelties, I had a feeling that there was a message in it for me.  Not much of a plot, I have to say, and I'm still not sure why the guy on the cover is so interested in her navel..."

Where's Raman: Guess #5

He's been laying low ever since he got a sweet deal on a model home in a development that didn't quite turn out as planned. I've also heard he may be trying out for Blue Man Group and/or a Hot Cops stripper troupe.

Raman Goes to the Library

"Well, dammit.  Somebody already used it.  That was what I was hoping to call my memoir.  Maggie thinks it should be 'Husband of Greatness', but even I'm not that far gone..."

Where's Raman: Guess #4

New theory: he's dashed off to Paris to see how the elections go.  He's hoping for a Sarkozy win - now there's a person in politics who really knows how to show off his spouse.  He's only been married to Carla Bruni for, what, a couple of years, but she's a global sensation.  Poor Raman - almost 20 years and not even one photo?

Mrs. Srivastav: WHERE'S YOUR HUSBAND?

Raman on Art

"I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.  I saw a poster of this of at the Mall once, and I don't know why, but it really spoke to me.  Magritte, the guy's name is.  Can't think why a picture of a faceless, anonymous man staring at fruit would ring a bell..."

The Raman Srivastav Jukebox

"There must be a word for what he is..."

What could be a better song for Raman than "Nowhere Man"?  The sum total of our knowledge about him is his marriage to Maggie Gallagher and the possibility that he's a bridge player.  Not much to go on, but it's pretty faceless.

Like the song's protagonist, it would seem that, along with the Mrs., he's "as blind as he can be... just sees what he wants to see," and I really don't think he can see me - us - at all:  people who want respect for our families and our lives.

Mrs. Srivastav wants to dictate the terms of my life, to make sure that, by law, it's less, legally and practically, than hers.  I want her to tell the truth about hers.

WHERE'S RAMAN?

Where's Raman: Guess #3

Word on the street is that he spent this past weekend at Coachella.  No, seriously - he's a huge Rihanna fan!  And even he thought Lindsay looked like hell.

Raman on Broadway

"Sometimes I think my life might make a good show - maybe a revue.  It would have to include this little gem from Chicago, don't you think?  Kind of my theme song... I wonder what Maggie's would be?"

Where's Raman: Guess #2

As one of America's best-known happily married men, he's been urgently recruited into the Secret Service.  We'd tell you which one of these strapping agents he is, but we'd have to kill you.

Raman at the Movies

"You know, I don't know why, but this has always been one of my favorite movies.  Just kind of touches a chord, I suppose..."

Where's Raman: Guess #1

Did he go to Pyongyang to help celebrate Kim Il Sung's birthday?  He should feel right at home in a totalitarian dictatorship...